This Week

This week has been so busy and it's only getting busier!
Monday- After Kindermusik, Muff went to Nana & Pawpaw's. My midwife appointment went well. Peg says that Baby E is in the correct (head down) position and we discussed my labor and delivery wishes...and I maybe broke down and cried...just a little bit. Peg always seems to do everything right and know exactly what to say. (She didn't mention any dramatic weight gain and I didn't ask) She made me feel so much better and promised that we'll do everything possible to have a VBAC. She also gave me the consent form for a VBAC and we went over all of the hospital procedures. (I'll have to be constantly monitored and will only be able to be up and about or in the whirlpool if the portable monitor is working that day.) Big Daddy still has to do his research on all of the possible risks and then we'll make sure together that this is what we want. In the end all we really want is our baby and we'd like for him or her to be as healthy as possible. I want at least one of us to be able to witness the birth this time, whether it's a vaginal delivery or a c-section. Most of all, I'm at peace with either one.
After my appointment, I wrapped The Muffin's birthday presents. I'm so excited about hiding them all over the house for her to find on Saturday!
The day was topped off with dinner out (at Sir Pizza, Tara) with Big Daddy. The Muffin missed her nap and slept through our whole meal. This will probably count as the last date night before we become the parents of two.
Tuesday- The Muffin and I came home and then went shopping to buy flowers for the deck. We went for a nice, long walk together.
Wednesday- Storytime at the library and then a trip to the grocery store. We went out after dinner, just to mess around a bit.
Thursday- So far, I've cleaned the upstairs and put out weedkiller on the front yard. The Muffin played in her sandbox and watered a tree with her watering can. Muff and I went out for lunch and ice cream and then across the street to visit our neighbor. Now that The Muffin is finally asleep, I'm going to finish the weedkiller, change clothes and plant myself on the couch with a baby magazine...and drink a small glass of Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper, because I love it.
Friday- I'll clean the downstairs and count the hours and minutes until Big Daddy gets here. I'm starting to get the hang of loving Fridays again!

Almost Wordless, Almost Wednesday

The ice cream truck's first visit of the year!



Fuzzy-haired monkey.


My two sweethearts.

Chicky shirt. Striped gauchos. Boots.

All ready for church (in her "favorite" dress) AND wearing a hairbow!

Heartwarming

Sometimes, I truly feel overwhelmed by how much I love Big Daddy. Things went relatively well without him here last week, but I missed just having him around. I don't mind sleeping alone and I like having the bed all to myself, but I love falling asleep next to him.
The Muffin and I attended our Kindermusik class and then I drove to our meeting place to meet Nana so that she could watch her while I go to my OB appointment and take care of a little birthday business. Big Daddy called and asked me to print off a couple of emails for him. He had also sent a text message to our email. All it said was, "I forgot my lunch." For some reason, my heart just melted. I had just finished eating the lunch that he'd left behind, so my message back was, "I just ate it." I love this man.

The Baby Belly- Week 33

Our Baby-to-be is a little over 4 pounds and nearly 18 inches long! She's busy working on her central nervous system and getting excited about meeting her Mommy, Daddy and Big Sister! I can tell that my belly has grown over the last week because of a couple of broken veins that have just appeared. I feel SO big! And I swear my butt is not completely flat like this picture makes it look! Big Daddy and I are talking about potential summer vacation possibilities to take with our Muffin and Baby E in tow. One of many "firsts" as a family of four!

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my midwife, Peggy. She's the one who attended my scheduled induction when we were waiting on The Muffin. My OB office has been so busy that this will be the first time I've had an appointment with her during this pregnancy.

Tomorrow is also the 3 year anniversary of the day before The Muffin's due date. This whole week I know that my mind will be flooded with what was happening in our lives three years ago and what almost happened and what we would have done if we'd lost our sweet Muffin. I remember April 20 because it was the day before my due date and my midwives "knew" that I'd be in L&D before my next appointment on Monday. My membranes were stripped again and Big Daddy and I spent the weekend hoping and praying that I would go into labor naturally. Thank Goodness the Lord doesn't answer all of our prayers! Ive just sent off my donation to the IVPF in Muffin's honor, so it's officially her birthday week.

Things to be thankful for this Thursday

Sweetly, sleeping toddler.

Text messages from Big Daddy.

The three shades of hot pink that made my Muffin somewhat happy this morning.

This girl when she's hard at work.

Even though the Ellie Belly gets in my way, causes me discomfort and makes me feel like a cow, I'm thankful for it. This sweet baby provides lots of entertainment for me and The Muffin. Baby E seems to put on her best shows in the mornings and evenings!And because I'm all about keeping it real, I'm sharing the bare Ellie Belly at almost 33 weeks...linea nigra, big, blue veins and all. Remember, the camera adds ten pounds.

This is what a good day looks like...

The Muffin with her frog mask from Storytime. You can't really see that it has red lipstick and hot pink "finger" nail polish.

So, after all of my worries being put down on paper (so to speak) this morning things seem better.
Miss Muffinhead has had a pretty good day minus a very tiny upset about hot pink pants this morning. Her favorite pair were dirty and then her alternate pair got wet, so she had to wear jeans. I was relieved because hot pink pants do not match a white shirt with blue, purple and green butterflies on it. I was willing to let her outfit of choice so that I wouldn't have to deal with any tantrums before Storytime. After the library, we headed to Wally World to pick up a few necessities and I bought her a hot pink jacket and pant set on clearance. I bought a size too big so that she'll be able to wear it his fall. I have a feeling she's going to insist on hot pink clothes for a while. Yesterday she picked out her favorite hot pink pants and a hot pink t-shirt. The shirt is just a shade different, so it clashes, but she was tickled with her ensemble. She paired that outfit with blue and green flip flops and her big, puffy white coat with fur around the hood. It was lovely! I don't mind letting her express herself through her clothes, but I try to influence her choices so that they match and I draw the line at church clothes. And if you wonder why I said "hot pink pants" every single time it's because that is what they're called around here: hot pink pants.

And, thanks for your sweet words of encouragement!!

And this is the post we'll call "Worried Wednesday"

I think that's an appropriate name, "Worried Wednesday". (I'm actually not posting twice in one day because I set the "Wordless" post to auto-publish just so that I could share a few pictures.) I'm hoping that I'll feel like doing a "Thankful Thursday" tomorrow. Once I get all of the worry out of my mind it's so much easier to focus on the positive things.
It's now a little after 5:30 and I've been up for a while worrying and praying. The Muffin and I had a rough day yesterday and I'm once again wondering how I'll manage her and a newborn baby at the same time. I realize lots of people do it, but I never have. I also don't live beside of my parents or my husband's parents or have any family within about an hours drive. Once you add in the situation that Big Daddy and I are currently in, I feel like I'm the only person who has ever had to do this. Of course, I realize that I'm not and that my situation could be so much worse. I feel like everyone says "things will be fine" and "you'll manage" but, unless that someone has been in the same situation, I really don't find a lot of comfort in their words. I decided to make a list and just let it go. (This is sort of like when I send Big Daddy an email that's not so nice, I don't care if he reads it or responds, but I have to get it off my chest and imagine that he did in fact read it.)
So, after all of that rambling, here are some of my worries.

-The Muffin- I know that she is having a hard time without her Daddy and she doesn't understand what's going on. She had several tantrums yesterday and each one ended with us praying and her saying, "I just miss my Daddy".(I think she's manipulating me, but it doesn't really matter) She wants me to do fun things that my Ellie-Belly will not physically allow me to do. She's going to hopefully welcome a sister (or brother) and that will only complicate her complicated, little life. And yes, I know that children are resilient, but this is my Muffin. I taught preschool for forever and I know how hard changes like the ones that we're dealing with can be on toddlers.
-Big Daddy and I are under a lot of stress right now and we have been so ill with each other. We're not filing for divorce or anything, but it would be nice if things were better when we're together. I also want his job to go well, so that things will be a little easier for him.
-That whole labor and delivery thing. I hope that our Baby-to-be is born healthy and without any added drama. I've just decided to give the labor and delivery part over to God and go with the flow. I hope that the Baby-to-be comes at a time that's convenient for the people who are planning to be there. (I realize this is mostly out of my control!) I hope my sister can take off from work and that Cousin Callie will be out of school. I hope my mom will be able to come and wait in the waiting room with Maggie and Bubba and the other people that are approved to be at the hospital. I hope that Big Daddy will be there or I'm going to have a hard time birthing a baby and taking care of Muff at the same time. (Just kidding! I'll enlist the help of our friend, Linda or Gammy Gladys or our neighbors before I attempt to birth a baby and care for Muff at the same time.)
-I hope I'm able to breastfeed this time. This should probably be the least of my worries right now, but it's one of the things that made me feel so bad with The Muffin. I think I'm more prepared for how hard it can be and will be a little more relaxed about caring for a newborn on my own. Not having to wash and make bottles would also help with my next little worry. In the end, a happy, healthy baby that's not hungry is what I want.
-Who will wash dishes, prepare meals, clean house and wash, fold and put away the laundry?- I think the answer to this is clear...I will if I have time or it will just go undone for a while. Right now, Muff loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and corndogs. I usually feed her more nutritious foods, but she may be eating her "sometimes" foods a little more. She loved the veggie pasta with tomato sauce and creamed spinach I fixed her last night. It was an easy meal, so I'll try to remember that one too. Having the house on the market has totally changed my housekeeping style. I do more everyday so that the house pretty much always looks fresh and clean. It really takes very little time and effort, so I hope to keep this routine up. Once again, probably a crazy thing to worry about, but for me, a clean house is a much happier house.
-Post-Partum Depression- I'm about 99% sure I had PPD last time, but I never really talked about it or addressed it with my midwives. I finally came out of my fog when Muff was 5 months old and I joined the vasa previa email group. I had so many issues from The Muffin's birth that it almost drove me crazy. I felt like Big Daddy and I had pulled off the heist of a lifetime when we left he hospital with our little Muffin, still fresh from the oven. I had an unrealistic worry that "they" would take her away from me each time I took her to the pediatrician for a check-up. I always felt relieved that I'd managed to keep her again! I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was a genuine worry. This time, I'll be glad to ask my midwives for a little help if I think I need it and I'm already planning on talking to Peg about PPD at my next appointment. I'll also ask for help from those people who offer it if I need it.
-The House- I'd like for it to sell really soon so that we can just move on. I love our house, neighbors and neighborhood and it will be hard to leave, but we need this to happen.
Last, but not least...
-The Baby-to-be- I pray that she (or he) is born safely, healthy and at or very close to full term. I hope that this baby is easier to take care of than our sweet Muffin was. I hope that we're able to be the family that God wants us to be and raise this baby and The Muffin the right way.

I think that's all for now. I should feel better now, right?
I do.

Wordlesss Wednesday

What I Learned This Week

I'm participating in Jo-Lynne's "What I Learned This Week" carnival at Musings of A Housewife again this week.

-Even though The Muffin behaved well, there is a very good reason why she only gets professional portraits taken about once a year. I just can't handle it and we take plenty of pictures on a daily basis anyway.
-I get stressed out easily.
-Never, ever, ever go to the men's bathroom at a gun shop. The next time I can't hold it, I'll slip outside and pee behind the building.
-The Muffin would "really like" to have a pink rifle.
-Lunch at P.anera doesn't happen often enough.
-Little girls can hide Easter eggs forever.
-Allergies and pollen just don't mix.
-Funny things can be found under my car seats.
-I have very little clothing that currently fits right. My "Ellie Belly" just makes everything uncomfortable.
-I could totally live in my pajama pants.
-A great, comfortable bra is priceless.
-Absence makes the heart grow fonder...even when the presence of your spouse seems to get on your last nerve. I'm hopelessly devoted to Big Daddy.

Back Home

The Muffin and I arrived home from Nana & Pawpaw's about an hour ago. Cousin Callie was out of school today, so Muff was sad to leave. She was exhausted and fell asleep about 10 minutes into our hour-long drive home. She's asleep now, so I'm goofing off because this may be my only free time until tomorrow.
Me, Mom and the girls went to get groceries this morning and I bought a new pair of pj's for when I come home from the hospital. I'm hoping that Big Daddy and I will actually have a few days together at home after the birth to hang out with our girls (assuming that the Baby-to-be is infact a girl!) and I'll be able to stay in pj's. I'm hoping that we will not have any surprises that cause for an extended hospital stay like the last time.
We had a happy Easter with morning church services and then lunch with my family. Afterwards, we had an Easter egg hunt and a small baby sprinkle. The Muffin opened the presents for Baby Ellie and enjoyed eating mints. After we take a bath tonight, we're going to spend some time straightening up the Baby-to be's room and putting the new stuff in place. Muff was excited to see her great auntie and her cousins, but missed Auntie Lisa & Uncle Wade. Hopefully, Aunt Lisa will be well for our next visit.
Big Daddy and I also took an hour or so to look at lots and land for sale. We are a little picky and pickings are slim so hopefully, something will work out. We are so anxious to sell our house so that we can move on with our lives. Until then, Big Daddy is building our house in his head! Please pray that our house will sell soon so that we can all be together!