Celebrate Good Times!!

On Sunday evening we celebrated my nephew! His birthday is today and he is 21. I'm still not sure how that happened.

My sister decided that he is a little too old for a "real" birthday party, so we had an informal family gathering and ate finger foods last night. I'm always trying to come up with something that's a little different for functions like these. ..other than my Yogurt Spinach Dip.

When we enrolled in our homeschool group, we had snacks and drinks before the "meeting". I put the tiniest spoonful of an amazing dip on my plate. After I'd had one bite I wanted the recipe. I thought about asking around, but the group is large and the only other person that I knew was my cousin. So, I chit-chatted with the parents (of nine homeschooled children) at my table and thought I'd look online for a similar recipe. The very next day, the homeschool group's founder asked for website help on facebook. I saw where one of the members said that she had a website and could help. I clicked over to her site and found out that it was a food blog. I did a search for the dip and found it. And now we're facebook friends.

So here's the recipe that I'm going to call Homeschool Jalapeno Popper Dip! I'm already thinking this may be a neat dip for Big daddy to take to office parties and such.

Homeschool Jalapeno Popper Dip
2- 8 oz packages of cream cheese, softened
1 c mayo
8 oz chopped green chiles
2 oz canned/jarred jalapenos, chopped
1/2 c shredded parmesan cheese
Mix first four ingredients in bowl. Transfer to casserole dish and top with shredded parmesan cheese. Bake at 400 degrees for 25 minutes. Serve hot with tortilla chips.

This isn't the healthiest dip, but if you're serving it at a party with lots of people you'll probably only eat a bit. To balance things out, I also fixed homemade salsa using a copycat recipe for Chili's Salsa.

Copycat Chili's Salsa

1- 14 oz can of tomatoes and green chiles
1- 14 oz can of whole tomatoes 4t jalapenos (I used canned)
1/4 c onion 1/2 t garlic salt (I used garlic powder)
1/2 t cumin
Put in blender until desired consistency. (I made mine a little runny, just like Chili's.) Transfer to bowl and chill. Serve with tortilla chips. It tastes better after it's a few hours old and all of the flavors have time to blend.

On a completely different note, today also happens to be six year anniversary of the day that we saw Maggie on the ultrasound screen for the first time! After years of ultrasounds and visits to my gynecologists and midwives it was so exciting to see a baby on the screen! It also came after a couple of days of "unexplained" bleeding. Of course, we found out at Maggie's birth that this could have been an early symptom of our vasa previa. It really does only take a moment to diagnose life. I was sure that I had miscarried, so seeing and hearing her little heartbeat was even more amazing.

Today You Are 5!!!

April 25, 2006
12:28 pm
8 pounds, 8 ounces and 21.5 inches long

We weren't sure that you would make it or that we would be able to celebrate your birth.

Here we are five years later celebrating the anniversary of the day that you were born...

and remembering all of the Vasa Previa babies that haven't had this chance.

M-Miracle
A-Amazing
G-Girly
G-Giggly
I-Independent
E-Endearing

L-Loving
O-Over dramatic
U-Under estimated
I-In love with your sister
S-Sweet, Sensitive, Strong-Willed
E-Easy to love

What a week

I already feel like this has been such a long, busy week and it's only Wednesday!! I didn't do much of anything yesterday, but even doing "nothing" as a SAHM with two crazy girls is something.

Since finding out about Baby Chase on Monday morning, I have had losing Maggie on my mind a lot. I read a book years ago called "Every Woman Has A Story". I think I bought it off of the clearance table at B@rnes & Noble and it was shortly before my grandmother passed away. After her death I wondered what her story would have been if she had written it. Maybe it would have been having her only son (Michael) be stillborn or losing her husband at a relatively young age and with one young daughter still at home. At the time, I wondered what my story would be and I felt like I should know. Of course, shortly after Maggie was born I knew that was my story.

Sometimes I feel like everyone, even Big Daddy, has forgotten how close we were to losing Maggie. It's easy to push it all aside when there was no long NICU stay to go through or of a little baby with all sorts of tubes and wires hooked up to it's little body. I'm the one who knows what it's like to go into surgery being told that your baby might die. I can remember the exact moment that I opened my eyes and even though the nurse almost immediately told me that my baby "was alive" I had that split second to imagine the worst. I'm also the only one who has read the medical record where it says that the sight where my water was broken was only 1 centimeter from the exposed vessels of the umbilical cord.

While I can only imagine what pain my friend must be going through I do feel like I can relate in some small way. As I pray for her, most of all I don't want her to feel like she should have known that something was wrong. She has tremendous faith and I know that she'll seek comfort in that. I'll be seeing her tomorrow and then the funeral will be on Friday. Please keep this family in your prayers.

Maggie is begging to go to the family visitation tomorrow. She is so curious about all of this. Of course, I have told her that I don't think it would be appropriate for her to go, because I know that she will get upset. Her little friend is devastated at the loss of her brother and I can only imagine how hard it is to help her understand.

Thankful For The Little Things

Five years ago today, we found out that we were expecting Maggie.

I had been feeling bad for a couple of weeks, but really didn't have any idea that I was pregnant until I sort of added up all that I was feeling and took the test on the morning of August 15,2005.

Someone once told me that no matter how bad you wanted to be pregnant or what you had to go through to get that way, you would always be surprised when it finally happened.

We were.

Now, we can barely remember what it was like before we became parents.

It must have been quiet and boring and the house was probably a lot neater and a little more clean. I bet I slept a lot more too.


I had never heard of succentriate lobed placentas, velamentous cord insertion or vasa previa.
and I didn't have a crooked, off-center scar across my lower abdomen.

Thanks Muffin for being our glue.

A Happy Birthday

We had a BIG weekend!!

On Saturday, we drove a little over an hour to visit one of our favorite towns. We use to go to Southern Pines a lot on the weekends to walk through the downtown area or go to dinner there for a little something different. This time we were also attending the birthday party of one of Maggie's little boyfriends in a nearby village. This gave me a chance to visit with my favorite mommy-friends and Maggie a chance to visit with her old boyfriends and make a few new friends. (Of course, Big Daddy was there with Ellie too!) Ms. K gave me yummy smelling candle for my birthday and Ms. A brought matching dresses for Maggie & Ellie. A good time was had by all!

Sunday was my birthday! I was greeted with a sleepy "Happy Birthday" from my sweet Maggie. She insisted on giving me my birthday present immediately. I decided to get a new Vera Bradley handbag since I'll one day stop carrying my Vera Bradley Baby Bag constantly. I was also surprised to receive a new Liz Claiborne bag from Gammy Gladys. It arrived by mail on Saturday.

I've said before that Big Daddy isn't big on celebrating birthdays. He always gave me gifts and cards when we were dating, but then stopped once we got married. I decided a couple of years ago that he needed to change that for Maggie's sake. Maggie thinks that everyone deserves a party- regardless of their age.

Big Daddy planned a little party with just my family and said he would take care of everything. The surprise was that my favorite little preschool girl also came with her parents. I had an idea that she would be there, but of course, I didn't let Big Daddy know! I had a great time catching up with Kelly Grace and getting to know her as the young woman that she has grown up to be. She'll be leaving for college in two weeks and I spent a little time telling her all about her three to five year old self. She is a remarkable girl and I couldn't be any more proud of her. After everyone left and I had put my girls to bed I fell apart and cried because Kelly is leaving for college! I'm worried about her safety and if she'll be happy and about how she'll adjust to being away from her family and how her sister will adjust to driving to school by herself every day. I'm planning on going by to visit (she lives at the other end of our street) before she leaves and I'm hoping that her mom doesn't start to cry in my presence because I'll absolutely fall apart if she does!

Anyway... my most memorable birthdays have happened in the past few years. Some good and some bad.
2005- I had been off of birth control for a year, thought I'd never get pregnant and found out that my then sister-in-law (she and my brother-in-law have since divorced and he's remarried) was pregnant. I found out I was pregnant shortly after, but I didn't have a very happy birthday.

2006- I had my sweet Maggie, but was still in the fog that I now know was post-partum depression. I was having a lot of issues dealing with Maggie's vasa previa and spent most of my birthday imagining what my birthday would have been like if she had died. Not real happy, but better than the year before...sort of. This was also the year that my mother-in-law called a couple of days early and argued with me about when my birthday was on top of everything else. I swear I could write a book about the crazy things that woman has done!

2007- I woke up with a horrible summer cold, Gammy Gladys saved the day by bringing gifts and lunch, I felt awful all day and had to cook dinner- even prepared one of Big Daddy's favorites. I was in tears by the time my daddy called to wish me a Happy Birthday. It wasn't the greatest day, but it was even better than the year before.

2008- I decided to take my girl out to lunch. We ate beside of the father of our soon-to-be triplet-friends (Collin, Chloe & Keegan). Maggie had a fit in the restaurant and I felt awful that the triplets' daddy couldn't even have a peaceful lunch without a child having a tantrum! It was so much fun to take my daughter out for my birthday, even if she did have a tantrum!

2009- No real celebration, but we woke up for the first time in our new house. Great gift after 7 weeks in that cramped little apartment.

2010- A real party, cards made by Maggie, my sweet Kelly Grace and great chocolate desserts. I think it goes down as my best birthday yet. Although the year that my parents gave me a bike without training wheels and my dad spent the evening pushing me around the yard comes as a close second.

August 1 is also my paternal grandmother's birthday. She turned 94! My dad went to the nursing home to have cake with her and his brother's and sister before my party. She didn't really know that it was her birthday, but was asking why everyone was there. When I was little, she used to always tell me on our birthday that I was her best birthday present ever.

And that's why I call him Big Daddy

April 25, 2006~The Day he officially became Big Daddy

Big Daddy and I met in 1995 and started dating in March of 1996. We picked out names for our kids that summer and then became in engaged that fall. Of course, we didn't actually name our kids the names that we had picked out, but we knew that we wanted kids...two of them...a boy and a girl to be exact.

From the beginning of our relationship there were always kids involved. All of the kids in my preschool class knew Big Daddy. He would come to the preschool to meet me after work on Fridays and he often came early. He knew all of the kids in my class by name. And then there was also my nephew who loved Big Daddy from the start.

After we were married and I started teaching again, there were new kids. We had one of the kids in my class, Christopher and his little sister Alex every once in a while. We took them places when we were off work, kept them so that their parents could have a night out and just practiced parenting on them.

When Callie was born in 2001, we had a baby to play with. Big Daddy is crazy about babies and he was nuts over Baby Callie. Unfortunately, she didn't like him very much...at first. When Callie was about 8 months old, she fell in love with Big Daddy. All it took was sharing yogurt and ice cream, reading lots of books, making animal noises and a whole week in the same beach house with him!

Fast forward to 2005 and of course, we found out that we were going to have a baby of our own. Our pregnancy came rather unexpectedly after nearly a year of (not really) trying. Big Daddy was in total shock and very stressed. He had been looking at jobs out of state and it suddenly became very important to be in the same state as my family. On August 29, he fell in love. That was the day of our first ultrasound! We found out that our pregnancy was viable (the doctor wasn't so sure because of other issues at my appointment on August 15) and we saw Baby Maggie and heard her heartbeat for the first time.

Big Daddy wasn't all that involved in my pregnancy, but he was so excited about meeting our baby. I remember the excitement in his voice when he asked Peg if he could "catch" the baby himself. She looked at his hands and told him he could try! Of course, things didn't go as planned and Big Daddy wasn't even allowed in the room when Maggie was born by crash c-section. He was able to hold her very soon after she was born. He was the first one to call her by her name which was the name that he picked out. He was the first person to rock her. He was the first person to change her poopy diaper. (He'll never let me forget that I wasn't able to do that!) After we were home he was the first to give her a bottle and the first person to walk her and bounce her to sleep. (I'll never let him forget this because we then had to walk and bounce her for the next 10+ months!!) He was also the first person that gave her all of the things that babies aren't supposed to have...like Dr. Pepper.

When we found out that we were expecting Baby Ellie, he was pleasantly surprised. We had picked out the time that would work best for a due date and we timed it all just right. Big Daddy went to a few more of my midwife appointments with me and he once again asked Peg if he could catch the baby. He didn't get to exactly catch Ellie, but he was able to see her (giant) head first (WAY before she was out) and he was able to cut the umbilical cord this time. It was a dream come true for both of us to be completely present for the birth! He was right there the ENTIRE time that I was in labor on day 1 and day 2 and I could not have pushed Ellie out without his support.

So...some may call him by his real name, or by "Uncle _____" or da-da or Daddy, but I just call him Big Daddy.

Happy Birthday, Maggie

Today you are four years old!!

On the day you were born we went to the hospital early in the morning.

We waited and waited.

And then Peggy said it was time to move things along.

Something went wrong and your heart started to beat too slow.

She said that they had to get you out very quick or you might die.

I prayed and prayed that you would be safe and they took me to surgery really fast.

Daddy and Nana and Sharalee and Callie and Bubba all waited.

Ms. Theresa took pictures of everyone getting you out of my belly.
Daddy couldn't be in the room with us because they put me to sleep, so it was a few minutes before they opened the blinds to the little room where he was waiting with Nana.

Daddy could hear you crying and they only let him see you for a second before they closed the blinds again.

And then magic happened and...

Daddy carried you into the nursery and held your finger for a long time while you cried because you wanted back inside of my warm, cozy belly. Then the nurses wrapped you in a blanket and he sat in the rocking chair and held you.

I woke up in a little room and the nurse told me that you were okay. I had to ask if you were a boy or a girl because I didn't even know. Ms. Theresa came in and said that there was a hungry baby that wanted her mommy and I wanted to get to you so bad.

The next day, Peggy told me all about what had happened and I found out about Vasa Previa and Velamentous Cord Insertion for the first time.

You can go here to read the whole story.

April 21

I try not to make a big deal out of every "anniversary" day, but today is the anniversary of Maggie's due date.

I've only cried twice.

First "Day" of Preschool

The official "First Day of Preschool" picture.

The top picture was taken after I said, "If you smile I'll give you a gummy bear".

So...Ms. Muffin had her first meeting with her teacher, Ms. N. We were there for around 20 minutes to look at he class and go over all of the things that Muff will be doing this year. She wasn't as bubbly and enthusiastic as I was when I was a preschool teacher. I'm disappointed, but remain optimistic that she'll be a great teacher and will give Muff a positive preschool experience.

After our meeting we went to W.almart to get our list of "supplies", a.k.a. tissues, paper towels and wet wipes. Then, it was back to Nana's to retrieve Baby Ellie. Of course, The Muffin wanted to stay for lunch and the remainder of the day and maybe the week. She finally agreed to leave after Nana fixed her a plate of lunch to take with her. She ate nearly the whole plate of food and quickly went to sleep.

Thank. You . Sweet. Jesus.

I'm pretty sure that I prayed that she would nap today because yesterday, she did not. It was a long day. Big Daddy is going to the gym after work and will not be home until late and I need a break!

I spent the first hour of nap time filing out paperwork and feeding/changing Baby Ellie. The preschool forms exhausted me and I like filling out paperwork. I put the same emergency contact numbers on three different papers!!!! I explained that this was the doctor that she's had since birth, but this is the doctor that will see her now that we've moved, but he hasn't treated her and will not see her until her 4 year check up.

The papers asked pretty basic questions, but I was a little confused on what I should write where it asked, "Is there anything else that you can share with us that you feel is important when taking care of your child?". Um, yes.

I was immediately taken back to my last day of teaching preschool for the first time. (Did you follow that?) Reece's mom wrote that he was her heart and that I cherished that and that she would always remember me for it. Reece was one of my "favorites". He used to get so excited when I would come in and so sad when I left. I always took the time to prepare him that it was about time for me to leave. I so hated to see him cry after me. Now, I totally get what his mom was saying. (Reece is in high school now, works at a local restaurant, is a lifeguard and is girl crazy. I saw his mom at W.almart a few weeks ago.)

I was tempted to write a detailed letter about how I wanted a baby so bad and then finally became pregnant and thought I would lose her on the day that she was born. About how hard the first six (or so) months of her life were because I felt so guilty for having this sweet, little, perfect baby when so many other vp babies had died or been left with horrible health problems and she cried SO much. Or about how she drives me crazy and makes me sad and mad, but she is my heart and I'd do anything for her. Or how she has a horribly bad temper and can say things in the angriest voice you've ever heard, but she'll be your best friend ever if you'll let her.

I decided to just write that she's shy around strange situations, but warms up. She likes to try new things, but requires encouragement. That she is sometimes scared around "stranger dogs" and doesn't like for strangers to talk to her.

I didn't tell the preschool that she'd NEVER go on a field trip without me or Nana because I could never trust them that much. I also left out the part of how my expectations are extremely high because I used to do what they're doing and I took my job very seriously. I didn't remind them that this is my baby and that they'd better be good to her. I didn't do any of that. Maybe I'll save that for the real first day of preschool.

Yes...I'm Still Alive

Boy, it's been a long time since I've been on a computer! We still aren't Internet-ready at our little apartment, but we should be the first part of next week. I've been keeping busy with my *two* girls and Big Daddy and I have been taking care of new house business. (Big Daddy took care of paint colors while we were in the hospital and we picked out light fixtures on Monday)
The Muffin & "Baby Ellie" (we always add the baby to the first of her name!) are at Nana's house while I'm next door at my sister's trying to look up a few things on the computer. I'm anxious to blog a little about our birth experience, since this blog acts as our family scrapbook.

Real quick, I'll give you a run down on our birth experience.

-Baby Ellie was delivered by VBAC...barely. She wasn't facing the right way which gave me back labor and caused her to get stuck...and bounce back and forth with every contraction...for a long time.
-My midwife, Peg, literally gave me 15 minutes to "move her" before she called the OB in. Everyone was so sure that we were going to have a c-section. My sister even left the L&D room so that they could prep me. I cried and prayed and Big Daddy and I kept pushing through my contractions while everyone else left the room so that I could come to terms with having to have another c-section. Peg convinced the doctor to give me a fair chance at moving her because she knew how important a VBAC was to me.
-I was determined and managed to do 7 pushes with each contraction in stead of the four pushes that my midwife suggested.
-Everyone was so surprised when Baby Ellie moved! The doctor actually said "You're doing it!". Peg told me on Sunday morning that no one thought it was possible and that hey were thisclose to getting me prepped for a c-section. She said my determination and pushing capabilities were amazing...and that I had a nice pelvis.
-It was fabulous...and long...and quite painful over the course of the 15 hours of labor on Saturday.
-Yes, I gave in and had an epidural...and it was a blessing. I will never regret it. I was able to be with The Muffin up until I started pushing around 7:30 pm. I still experienced quite a bit of pain.
-My favorite part of labor was pushing and seeing the silly grin on Big Daddy's face when Baby Ellie's head was visible.
-My favorite part of the birth was hearing Baby Ellie's first cry.
-My favorite part of after the birth was seeing how excited The Muffin was about her new sister.
-My least favorite part would have to be the whole placenta-thing. Of course, mine refused to come out and the OB had to get it out. ( I saw it and it was beautifully normal!!) This cause me lots of blood loss and made me pass out once right after the birth and again the next day. I was going to receive two units of blood, but because I managed to perk up they didn't give it to me. Therefore, I still look like a ghost.
-I love my midwives, Peg, Wesley & Rita.

Hopefully, I'll have the time to post a few pictures of the birth next week. I managed to snap a couple of pictures of Big Daddy cutting the umbilical cord. (The cord was also fabulously normal!!)
Until then... I'll be busy with The Muffin and wearing Baby Ellie in her sling as much as possible!

Staying and Moving

I have just returned from my weekly doctor's appointment and I actually had a nice visit with the male OB that made me furious a couple of weeks ago. This could have something to do with attending a birthday party with the OB that performed my c-section delivery with The Muffin. We talked about Muff's delivery, this pregnancy and that doctor. She's close friends with one of my close friends and she was very understanding of my complaints about the other OB.

Anyway, Baby Ellie likes Mommy's belly. She's staying put, or at least it seems that way for now. I haven't progressed any further...in three weeks. This is so much like when I was expecting Muff. My next appointment is next Thursday and it's with my midwife Rita. I'm going to talk to her about when to induce, if it comes to that. I'm sure they will want to strip my membranes (ouch, ouch, ouch) and try more "natural" ways of encouraging labor first. Whatever works best for Baby Ellie is what I'll do. Part of me just wants this baby out so that I can stop having my cervix checked. Seriously...it hurts. I didn't want to be induced, but I'm having issues with being an hour away from the hospital that I'll deliver in even though I try to make it seem like it's not that big of a deal when I'm asked. Plus, I'm not sure I can handle going into labor at home after what happened with The Muffin. Then again, I don't want to be induced because of what happened wit The muffin either. In the end, God will chose when Baby Ellie comes.

Now, for the moving part of the post.

We are planning our big move for Saturday and we'll hopefully be spending the night in our apartment. I managed to only cry twice about this yesterday. I'm thankful that we found a place to live without having to wait, but it is so hard to move into a little two-bedroom apartment with a teeny-tiny kitchen. We had dreamed about all of the things that we would be doing with our two girls in our house and in our neighborhood.

On a brighter note, The Muffin enjoyed picking out her new room. She was a little confused because there wasn't any furniture and she mistakenly chose the living room. We straightened that out and she likes her "very own room". She loves the playground and I'm actually looking forward to spending evenings out there with her and Big Daddy.

As of tomorrow, we'll temporarily be without Internet service. (gasp!!) We're going to get an air card so that we'll be completely wireless and mobile. I'm just not sure when we'll get that taken care of. Auntie Lisa will be posting any big baby news or any new developments for me. If you start getting concerned about Baby Ellie's arrival, jump over to her blog and ask her what's going on.

I'll try to post something fun and exciting tomorrow.

The Baby Belly- (almost)36 weeks & Mother's Day

Normally, I just ask for a card on Mother's Day, but being this pregnant makes me think that I deserve a present. Big Daddy has already informed me that I'll probably get my Mother's Day gift on the day of Baby E's birth and that is fine with me. The pearl necklace and earrings that he gave me on the night of The Muffin's delivery will always be so special.

I just spent a few minutes trying on dresses for Sunday and looking for one that didn't make my belly look this huge. Then, I realized that it really is this huge. I'll be going to our "old" church for the last time with this baby in my belly and it may be the last time that I visit my mom and dad before Baby E's grand entrance. That really makes it seem like this baby is thisclose to coming out!

I finally have an idea of what to get my mom for Mother's Day. I've been thinking and looking, but now I'm pretty sure of what I'll be getting her. Now, it's just a matter of getting my pregnant hiney to the shop and picking out the perfect present. The Muff and I will attempt to make a Godmother card for my sister and I'm sure that will turn into a major art gift for everyone in the family.

I'm leaving you with a picture of the day that I really became a mother. I mothered many children before even being close to having a child of my own. When you take care of small children you immediately take on the role of a mother. I think you are a mother from the moment that you know that there's a baby in your belly or the first time that you see a picture of the baby that will soon be yours and I also think you can be a mother without ever having a child of your own.

This picture is the first picture of our girl on her original birthday. It's the day that I knew what it was like to love someone so much that I would do anything for them. When I thought that I would lose her, imagined what it would be like without her and and spent those few precious moments praying for her little life, I knew that I was a mother.

Happy Birthday,Dear Muffin

At 12:28pm, you will officially be three years old, sweet Muffin!

Making your entrance! Your first picture!

Getting all cleaned up so that you could meet Daddy.

Your first full day at home and your first trip to Wal.mart at 4 days old. This is before the non-stop crying started.

Just a little bit about you now that you're three!!

Your favorite foods are asparagus, broccoli, lima beans, tomatoes, potatoes, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, peanut butter and banana sandwiches, corn dogs, chocolate, candy, ice cream, pomegranate, apples, Asian pears, red grapes, strawberries and cantaloupe.

You still love Slumbers, but have (just his week) rejected Hippopotamus and the pink bear that Gammy Gladys gave you for Easter.

You still love your "Baby Bop blanket" and stopped sleeping with the "Tigger blanket" in favor of your D.isney Princess sheet. Just this week you started sleeping on your regular pillow case in stead of your pillow sham.

You love church, learning and talking about Jesus and praying for people.

You love books and singing songs.

You love feeling Baby E kick and you talk about how your baby kicks and makes you have to pee.

I told you how baby's really come out.

You love to help and try to do everything just like me and Daddy.

You really enjoy taking showers with me when Daddy's not here for bath and I sort of love it too.

You love looking at pictures and telling dramatic stories about what you see.

At your naptime everyday, we cuddle and sing "Jesus Loves Me", "Jesus Loves the Little Children", "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star", "Deep and Wide" and "You Are My Sunshine".

I could go on and on and tell you for days and days how much we love you, but I'm not going to. You are so special to us and we love you more than words could ever say.

Sometimes I know exactly what you'll say or do or how you'll react to something and I feel like I know you so well. I look into your eyes and I see the sweet little girl that you are becoming and realize that here 's so much more to learn about you. Daddy and I love learning more about you everyday.

Happy Birthday, Sweet Child.

The Baby Belly- Week 33

Our Baby-to-be is a little over 4 pounds and nearly 18 inches long! She's busy working on her central nervous system and getting excited about meeting her Mommy, Daddy and Big Sister! I can tell that my belly has grown over the last week because of a couple of broken veins that have just appeared. I feel SO big! And I swear my butt is not completely flat like this picture makes it look! Big Daddy and I are talking about potential summer vacation possibilities to take with our Muffin and Baby E in tow. One of many "firsts" as a family of four!

Tomorrow, I have an appointment with my midwife, Peggy. She's the one who attended my scheduled induction when we were waiting on The Muffin. My OB office has been so busy that this will be the first time I've had an appointment with her during this pregnancy.

Tomorrow is also the 3 year anniversary of the day before The Muffin's due date. This whole week I know that my mind will be flooded with what was happening in our lives three years ago and what almost happened and what we would have done if we'd lost our sweet Muffin. I remember April 20 because it was the day before my due date and my midwives "knew" that I'd be in L&D before my next appointment on Monday. My membranes were stripped again and Big Daddy and I spent the weekend hoping and praying that I would go into labor naturally. Thank Goodness the Lord doesn't answer all of our prayers! Ive just sent off my donation to the IVPF in Muffin's honor, so it's officially her birthday week.

And this is the post we'll call "Worried Wednesday"

I think that's an appropriate name, "Worried Wednesday". (I'm actually not posting twice in one day because I set the "Wordless" post to auto-publish just so that I could share a few pictures.) I'm hoping that I'll feel like doing a "Thankful Thursday" tomorrow. Once I get all of the worry out of my mind it's so much easier to focus on the positive things.
It's now a little after 5:30 and I've been up for a while worrying and praying. The Muffin and I had a rough day yesterday and I'm once again wondering how I'll manage her and a newborn baby at the same time. I realize lots of people do it, but I never have. I also don't live beside of my parents or my husband's parents or have any family within about an hours drive. Once you add in the situation that Big Daddy and I are currently in, I feel like I'm the only person who has ever had to do this. Of course, I realize that I'm not and that my situation could be so much worse. I feel like everyone says "things will be fine" and "you'll manage" but, unless that someone has been in the same situation, I really don't find a lot of comfort in their words. I decided to make a list and just let it go. (This is sort of like when I send Big Daddy an email that's not so nice, I don't care if he reads it or responds, but I have to get it off my chest and imagine that he did in fact read it.)
So, after all of that rambling, here are some of my worries.

-The Muffin- I know that she is having a hard time without her Daddy and she doesn't understand what's going on. She had several tantrums yesterday and each one ended with us praying and her saying, "I just miss my Daddy".(I think she's manipulating me, but it doesn't really matter) She wants me to do fun things that my Ellie-Belly will not physically allow me to do. She's going to hopefully welcome a sister (or brother) and that will only complicate her complicated, little life. And yes, I know that children are resilient, but this is my Muffin. I taught preschool for forever and I know how hard changes like the ones that we're dealing with can be on toddlers.
-Big Daddy and I are under a lot of stress right now and we have been so ill with each other. We're not filing for divorce or anything, but it would be nice if things were better when we're together. I also want his job to go well, so that things will be a little easier for him.
-That whole labor and delivery thing. I hope that our Baby-to-be is born healthy and without any added drama. I've just decided to give the labor and delivery part over to God and go with the flow. I hope that the Baby-to-be comes at a time that's convenient for the people who are planning to be there. (I realize this is mostly out of my control!) I hope my sister can take off from work and that Cousin Callie will be out of school. I hope my mom will be able to come and wait in the waiting room with Maggie and Bubba and the other people that are approved to be at the hospital. I hope that Big Daddy will be there or I'm going to have a hard time birthing a baby and taking care of Muff at the same time. (Just kidding! I'll enlist the help of our friend, Linda or Gammy Gladys or our neighbors before I attempt to birth a baby and care for Muff at the same time.)
-I hope I'm able to breastfeed this time. This should probably be the least of my worries right now, but it's one of the things that made me feel so bad with The Muffin. I think I'm more prepared for how hard it can be and will be a little more relaxed about caring for a newborn on my own. Not having to wash and make bottles would also help with my next little worry. In the end, a happy, healthy baby that's not hungry is what I want.
-Who will wash dishes, prepare meals, clean house and wash, fold and put away the laundry?- I think the answer to this is clear...I will if I have time or it will just go undone for a while. Right now, Muff loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and corndogs. I usually feed her more nutritious foods, but she may be eating her "sometimes" foods a little more. She loved the veggie pasta with tomato sauce and creamed spinach I fixed her last night. It was an easy meal, so I'll try to remember that one too. Having the house on the market has totally changed my housekeeping style. I do more everyday so that the house pretty much always looks fresh and clean. It really takes very little time and effort, so I hope to keep this routine up. Once again, probably a crazy thing to worry about, but for me, a clean house is a much happier house.
-Post-Partum Depression- I'm about 99% sure I had PPD last time, but I never really talked about it or addressed it with my midwives. I finally came out of my fog when Muff was 5 months old and I joined the vasa previa email group. I had so many issues from The Muffin's birth that it almost drove me crazy. I felt like Big Daddy and I had pulled off the heist of a lifetime when we left he hospital with our little Muffin, still fresh from the oven. I had an unrealistic worry that "they" would take her away from me each time I took her to the pediatrician for a check-up. I always felt relieved that I'd managed to keep her again! I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was a genuine worry. This time, I'll be glad to ask my midwives for a little help if I think I need it and I'm already planning on talking to Peg about PPD at my next appointment. I'll also ask for help from those people who offer it if I need it.
-The House- I'd like for it to sell really soon so that we can just move on. I love our house, neighbors and neighborhood and it will be hard to leave, but we need this to happen.
Last, but not least...
-The Baby-to-be- I pray that she (or he) is born safely, healthy and at or very close to full term. I hope that this baby is easier to take care of than our sweet Muffin was. I hope that we're able to be the family that God wants us to be and raise this baby and The Muffin the right way.

I think that's all for now. I should feel better now, right?
I do.

The Baby Belly- Week 32

WOW!! Just 8 more weeks (or so) to go!! No picture this week, but I might have some Easter pictures to share a little later.

Our sweet Baby-to-be is nearly 17 inches long and weighs around 4 pounds! The baby moves around so much, but soon there won't be enough room to move so freely. I have times where I feel just like the baby is trying to poke it's way out with what feels like elbows and knees pressing against my sides. Although I've been increasingly uncomfortable lately, I am cherishing ever little move that this sweet baby makes. I know it will be all too soon that I'll be holding her in my arms and will not be feeling her every move.

I'm still a little anxious about all that's ahead of us. I'm looking forward to seeing the baby at our next ultrasound and hoping that everything checks out okay. I feel like I'm surrounded by sick little babies and it seems like more and more of a miracle to have a normal delivery and a healthy baby. With everything that happened last time, I keep telling myself that things have to go better for us with this delivery. Our sweet Muffin is such a miracle and a blessing and we truly do not know what in the world we'd do without her. Even though Ellie hasn't made her debut, (and hopefully will bake for several weeks longer) we already have such a bond with her and love her more than we could ever describe.

VP Mommy

Here's another Vasa Previa Mommy who has a great blog. Check out her story.

As for this VP Mommy, I'm exhausted and looking forward to a shower and (maybe) another great massage from Big Daddy. We have a big day planned for tomorrow; The Muffin will be going to her first museum! After that, we'll be heading over to NC State for lunch and a little visit to Mr. Wuf's house, a.k.a. the belltower.

The Baby Belly-Week 30

Our Baby-to-be weighs approximately 3 pounds now and is nearly 16 inches long! Her skin is changing from red to pink as fat deposits under her skin. I cannot believe that we'll meet our baby in only 10 more weeks!

The past couple of weeks have been tremendously hard on me, both physically and emotionally. Sometimes I feel like The Muffin and Big Daddy are trying to drive me crazy. My body aches...a lot. I try not to complain, but there are times when I feel so bad I could cry. I never felt like this when I was pregnant with Muff. My belly has also grown in the past couple of weeks and I feel huge. Big Daddy even commented this morning that I had gotten more round in the past couple of days. I guess I should say,"Yay!!". I feel like a cow. No offense to cows, because everyone knows that I heart cows...especially brown ones.

No matter how bad I feel, I am very much aware of what a sweet little blessing this is growing in my belly. I'm looking forward to getting a preview of our baby's face at the 36 week ultrasound. I continue to wonder if "it" is really a girl, so I hope to get confirmation. I've also found myself worrying about the baby's health more. There are SO many sick babies everywhere I turn. For the first time in this pregnancy, I'm worried less about Vasa Previa, VCI and my placenta than I am about everything else.

Back From The Babymoon

We're back and SO tired! The Muffin asked to go to bed at 7:00, but I made her wait until 8:00 and I think she is already fast asleep! It seems that neither of us sleep well away from home. Big Daddy on the other hand, slept great! We are spoiled by our memory foam mattress and can't wait to sleep in our bed tonight. I've managed to partially catch up on my favorite blogs, unpack everything and wash two loads of laundry. Big Daddy and I have a few things planned for tomorrow and I have a dental check up, so it will be a busy day.
Our trip went well, in spite of The Muffin's little illness. We spent a couple of hours in the doctor's office on Monday morning, but the strep test was negative. The doctor thought she was probably just fighting off something and then of course, she woke up with a little cold yesterday. All was well, though. She had a great time playing miniature golf (2 times), swimming, shopping and having dinner with one of Big Daddy's friends and his family...including three sweet little boys. I'll try to post a few trip pictures as soon as I can get them off of the camera.
I managed not to buy half of the things that I fell in love with when we went shopping! I bought The Muffin her Easter dress (at 70% off) and managed NOT to buy Ellie a dress to match (even though she will not arrive until after Easter, I was tempted). I also bought Muff a cute casual dress for church or playing. I hadn't planned to be one of those mom's that dresses her kids a like, but all I can think about is coordinating outfits for church.
Baby Ellie was not completely left out. We bought her a "Little Sister" onesie to match the "Big Sister" shirt that Nana bought The Muffin. Muff also picked out a stuffed elephant for Ellie and a giraffe for herself. She says that Ellie will get the giraffe and say, "Oh, but I wanted the monkey!".
I am still not sure that this baby is a girl! The lady working in The F.udgery said I was definitely carrying a girl, but I will not feel sure until my ultrasound a 36 weeks or I see for myself when this baby makes it's entrance. Ellie or Eli, it will be loved beyond belief.
As usual, a little prayer request. I had one crazy-VP-Mommy episode on Monday night where my worries almost got the best of me. No matter what, thoughts of losing The Muffin are never far away. Big Daddy offered to pull out his new phone-toy and look up what I was worrying about on-line, but we managed to avoid that. Just when I think I'm doing better it all comes back to me. With Miss Muffinhead's 3rd birthday fast approaching, my heart is heavy for all of the VP parents that do not have their babies here on Earth with them. Sometimes I wish I could make it all go away, but VP is such a part of our lives. For The Muffin's birthday I always make a donation in her honor to the International Vasa Previa Foundation and writing that check is so sad and so rewarding. Please feel free to visit our website and read the stories of other VP families like ours.

Making Plans

Thank the Lord, I've felt so much better today! Other than a little sciatica pain every time I get up from the sitting position, I've been nearly pain free.
We enjoyed a great Sunday at church and then we came home to eat lunch and rest. Well, I couldn't exactly rest because I had so much going through my mind. Big Daddy decided to go to the gym while The Muffin was asleep and I started shopping for diapers. Since we are planning to primarily use cloth diapers, I thought that it may be a good idea to make a purchase. I chose these, and I hope they are as good as a few very reliable sources have told me they are. I used this diaper on The Muffin when she still wore one at night. I plan to use disposables for the first few weeks (at least) until I get he hang of having two children. After that, we'll keep some on hand in case I forget to wash diapers...using this detergent that I've heard is fabulous from a cloth-diapering mama here in town.
Big Daddy has been planning our little beach trip that's coming up. It will be our last trip as a family of three! I'd hoped for a little "babymoon", but I'm not sure it will happen or if I'll even be up for it. Big Daddy has promised that he will not make me do too much this trip and I hope not to feel as bad as I did yesterday. The aches and pains are not always worth all of the fun!
We are also planning The Muffin's birthday party (Wizard of Oz, of course). I'd hoped to do a "friends" party, but I'm not sure I'll feel like that either. I think she would enjoy it just as much if we just have family over to our house. We don't have lots of visitors, so when anyone comes she thinks it's a great treat. We might make a special snack for her Sunday school class or her Kindermusik friends, but we'll just have to wait and see. All she has asked for is cake and balloons, but Big Daddy and I already have a couple of gifts that she'll love.
I've also spent lots of time thinking about my next doctor's appointment with Dr. Pleasant. It's this Thursday...only two weeks since my last appointment. This will be the first time I've had an appointment with a doctor since I was expecting The Muffin. My midwives wanted me to see one of the Ob's to discuss my VBAC plans and the whole Vasa Previa-thing. I think they all realize that I'm completely educated on everything VP, (probably more than them!) but they want to go over it all and get a final okay for a VBAC. I could never say enough how great my c-section recovery was, but I never wanted a c-section. It was completely a necessary medical intervention and it's the only reason that I have my Muffin today. I can only hope that things will go the way we plan this time, but another c-section would be okay as long as we get our baby. Big Daddy and I do not want to miss the birth of our baby this time!
I also purchased another sling this week! Actually, I won the auction on ebay. It's not exactly the fabric I would have chose, but the price was fantastic. I'll add it to the New Native pouch sling and the front carrier that we have left over from The Muffin. I think I'll have to wear this baby so that I can keep track of Muff, too.