What a week

I already feel like this has been such a long, busy week and it's only Wednesday!! I didn't do much of anything yesterday, but even doing "nothing" as a SAHM with two crazy girls is something.

Since finding out about Baby Chase on Monday morning, I have had losing Maggie on my mind a lot. I read a book years ago called "Every Woman Has A Story". I think I bought it off of the clearance table at B@rnes & Noble and it was shortly before my grandmother passed away. After her death I wondered what her story would have been if she had written it. Maybe it would have been having her only son (Michael) be stillborn or losing her husband at a relatively young age and with one young daughter still at home. At the time, I wondered what my story would be and I felt like I should know. Of course, shortly after Maggie was born I knew that was my story.

Sometimes I feel like everyone, even Big Daddy, has forgotten how close we were to losing Maggie. It's easy to push it all aside when there was no long NICU stay to go through or of a little baby with all sorts of tubes and wires hooked up to it's little body. I'm the one who knows what it's like to go into surgery being told that your baby might die. I can remember the exact moment that I opened my eyes and even though the nurse almost immediately told me that my baby "was alive" I had that split second to imagine the worst. I'm also the only one who has read the medical record where it says that the sight where my water was broken was only 1 centimeter from the exposed vessels of the umbilical cord.

While I can only imagine what pain my friend must be going through I do feel like I can relate in some small way. As I pray for her, most of all I don't want her to feel like she should have known that something was wrong. She has tremendous faith and I know that she'll seek comfort in that. I'll be seeing her tomorrow and then the funeral will be on Friday. Please keep this family in your prayers.

Maggie is begging to go to the family visitation tomorrow. She is so curious about all of this. Of course, I have told her that I don't think it would be appropriate for her to go, because I know that she will get upset. Her little friend is devastated at the loss of her brother and I can only imagine how hard it is to help her understand.