It's Really None of Your Business

I knew long before I became pregnant with The Muffin that people feel like they can say and ask anything when you're pregnant or have just had a child. Whether it's questions about private matters or giving unsolicited advice, women (other mothers, at that) are always ready to put their two cents in. I try to only give advice about baby/children when I'm asked, because I don't want to hurt a new mother's feelings or overstep boundaries with friends.

I remember when Muff was little everyone wanted to know if I stayed at home with her. After they had their answer they either told me how great it was that I was a stay at home mom or gave me critical advice about putting her in daycare. I taught preschool and I know the benefits and the not so good aspects of it, so I don't need any advice on this matter. I know that she loves her Mommy and Daddy and would rather be with us than anyone else, and that's fine with me. She also loves her Sunday school teachers and for the most part, loves her time with them. She'll go to preschool at some point and then most likely leave there to go to a private school unless we homeschool her.

I think about the critcal words that I've listened to about c-sections. A c-section was no where in my birth plan. My midwives knew that I did NOT want a c-section. As I was in the middle of all of the organized chaos that was my labor and delivery experience, I was the one saying "I do not want a c-section". I knew from all of the people in my room and everything that they were doing and saying that I was in a life or death situation. Of course, I consented to the c-section, but I had to make sure that my feelings were known. Unlike lots of c-sections, mine was not by choice and was necessary to save the baby. I've never felt guilty about having to have my baby this way.

I've come to realize that there will be two big questions that will be constantly asked during this pregnancy. "Was this planned?" and "Are you going to have another c-section?".

My primary care physician asked "Was this planned?" as she read my chart and watched me beg Muff to be quiet and sit still while I stuffed Smarties into her mouth . Most people already know the answer to this question. There's something about a horrible economy, a crazy toddler and an uncertain future that inspires two people that love each other and are committed to each other to want another baby. We're crazy like that.
As for the other question, I think birth plans are terribly personal. I wanted to have a positive experience so that I'd want to have more babies. I had a great birth plan with the Muffin...it was thrown out the window and ran over by a garbage truck when my midwife thought she felt a prolapsed cord...and that's fine because I left he hospital with a living, breathing baby. I knew who I wanted at the hospital and who was not allowed anywhere near me or my room. I wanted the people who were there to be positive. I didn't want an epidural started unless I decided that I needed one. (And what do you know? I didn't have an epidural, I was under general anesthesia!!) My midwives were supportive every step of the way. Other people, not so much.

This time my birth plan will be kept private. I'm hoping to have most of it worked out in my head by my next midwife appointment, even though it can be changed at any time. My doctors and midwives have a few concerns for me and the baby because of a few aspects of The Muffin's delivery (that have been kept private). I get to have the final say, but me and Big Daddy are going to take how they think I should deliver and all of their concerns into consideration. I trust my midwives and I know that we all want the same thing in the end. I'm inspired by all of the women who choose ways that may be thought of as unconventional to deliver their babies. This may be our last baby, so a positive experience and a living, breathing baby is what I want.

I think one of the greatest birth stories I've ever read just may be Stephanie's. Reading about her and her four children is always inspiring!
You can also read the birth stories of vasa previa families at http://www.ivpf.org/.