When I voice my concerns about what's going on with our family, I often hear that children are so resilient. It's true, they are. But try telling that to a Mommy who wants her baby to be happy.
Yesterday as we drove home The Muffin was upset and she was saying things that you never want your three year old to think or feel or say. We were both crying...before we were out of the driveway. We took turns comforting each other. She was so tired from her busy day that she cried until she went to sleep 10 minutes into our drive. I cried off and on the whole drive home. Traffic was light so it only took about 50 minutes. I try to hold it together when she's upset, but there have been a few times that she's cried over missing Big Daddy that I've cried with her. We hold each other and then we pray and she seems to feel better. She knows that she's not alone.
I spent lots of time convincing Big Daddy that this job choice was best and that we'd make anything work, that I put me and The Muffin on the back burner. Now, I wonder what I was thinking. Last night, I realized that my biggest concerns with the changes in our lives, moving and welcoming Baby E all revolve around The Muffin. In the end, we'll be fine. No matter what, she really is the glue.
I'm suffering from a bad case of "Mommy Guilt". I want to play more, do more "fun" things and for goodness sakes, take a bath with Muff when she begs me to! (I had to explain that I may get stuck in the tub and there would be no Big Daddy to help get me out. And I have no idea why she asked me to take a bath with her!) I want to make our current situation work and I don't want her to ever feel sad about missing Big Daddy. I know I'm not alone in my Mommy Guilt thanks to Lisa.
I'm also suffering from "Wife Guilt". When Big Daddy comes home I want to make things nice for him. I try to cook good meals and make sure that he gets to do things that he wants to do. I try to have the fridge and pantry stocked with things that he likes. We try to focus on what needs to be done while he's here and doing nice things with The Muffin. We get very little time alone together and it's going to be even less when Baby E arrives. (Our last "date" before Baby E was spent with Muff asleep on my lap.) Wednesday night at my parents' house I fell asleep with The Muffin and Big Daddy woke me up when he was ready to get in the bed. All I wanted was a few minutes of cuddling on the couch before I fell asleep and I slept through my window of opportunity. I felt "Wife Guilt" big time.
What is your greatest "Mommy Guilt" or "Wife Guilt"??
5 comments:
My biggest Mommy Guilt was when I was pregnant with Joshua, and Maxton absolutely hated daycare at that time. He would beg me not to take him to daycare, but I had to go to work. I told him as soon as Joshua was born we could spend lots of time together and he wouldn't have to go to daycare anymore. I had about 7 great months at home with my boys before going back to work, and thankfully now Maxton AND Joshua love to come to daycare with me!! I am so blessed to be able to "work" with them all day!
This week my mommy guilt has surrounded my being sick. I feel like I have just let Andrew roam because I didn't feel like playing with him or even talking for that matter. On top of me being sick, he's been sick too so whether I've felt like it or not, I had to take care of him though not happily. Other times, I feel so guilty when I pray for long naps and pass him off to D when he gets home.
Oh I understand those guilts! I mostly feel the Mommy Guilt, though. Guilt that I don't do enough (because I'm so tired) and that we just always seem to be at home (only one car).
If Muffin is your glue what did you and Big Daddy do before her? Don't feel guilty...you are uber preggo and going through SO MANY CHANGES! Take it as slow as you can!
My biggest Mommy Guilt and Wife Guilt is that I am so excited to see my family all day but than I get so irritated with them when they do get home. So I feel like they never actually see how much I love them because I am constantly trying to get the 13 year old to do homework, the 3 year old to do anything I say and for my husband to help a little bit more. Nagging and yelling is all I feel like I do instead of loving my family.
Post a Comment