Top to bottom, our Baby-to-be is now measuring around 13 inches. She weighs about a pound and a half and is getting her baby fat. I continue to be amazed that we are this far along! I am enjoying all of the little kicks and I'm still in baby bliss. (this is the can't hide anything maternity dress)
I was so focused on the ultrasound and all of the issues that I had with The Muffin's delivery for so many weeks. After the ultrasound and lots of support from my friends in the IVPF email group, I have put a lot of my fears to rest and decided to have faith that everything will be better this time.
I spend most of my time (when I think about baby stuff) planning. I plan how I want the delivery to be, introducing Maggie to Baby Ellie, and how I want things to be after we're home. My main focus is on breastfeeding right now. I still feel bad that I only nursed Maggie for a few days, but I'm certain I would have lost my mind if I'd try to do it any longer. Big Daddy and I were so afraid and insecure and our sweet Muffin cried so much! I'm so thankful that my midwives and Muff's pediatrician were supportive of our decision to nurse and our decision to give it up and go with formula. When I look back, I wish I had stuck with it, but I know that I had so many issues surrounding the traumatic delivery that I was close to loosing it!
I keep thinking about how I knew we would never have another baby on the day after Muff's birth. When my midwife told me what happened during the delivery I told her that I'd never have another baby. She told me that I would change my mind and of course, I did. For so long Big Daddy and I were completely content with thinking of The Muffin as an only child. One day I began to see her as a big sister. She is so caring, sensitive and considerate...at times. I knew all along that I couldn't imagine never growing another baby, but I couldn't face all of the fears.
Now, we look at The Muffin and all of the joy that she brings us. We make plans for Ellie to be welcomed into our lives and we can't rule out not having another baby. We'd always planned for only two, but having a baby changes everything.